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| September 18, 2015

Take a peek at the viral videos everyone everywhere is avoiding work to watch

Americans freak out over the “doo-ree-yain”

Buzzfeed assaults a captive group of finicky Americans with the King of Fruits – and the result, predictably, is mass carnage. The indecent exposure of its toxic pong, S&M-friendly thorns and gloppy zombie flesh triggers soap operatic reactions (ranging from epileptic seizures, to bouts of speaking in tongues) from stunned victims. Durian is radioactive to me, but as a Malaysian, watching gastronomically-cosseted Americans stage death throes over a fruit is perversely rewarding. Let’s hope they’re not planning to “liberate” us and the rest of Southeast Asia over our “weapons of mass destruction”.

YouTubers try to make sense of K-pop

The wacky, weekly “YouTubers React” series rounds up prominent viral moviemakers (probably at gunpoint) and documents their reactions to trending or quirky videos that raise eyebrows, loosen jaws, molest funny bones, or lead to blindness. The extra-terrestrial oddness on parade this week is K-pop – specifically, the outlandish, over-produced and utterly incomprehensible music videos of the bands BTS, EXID and B.A.P. Surprisingly, amidst the expected snark and juvenile commentary, several of the more articulate YouTubers offer deep deconstructions and critical analyses of what they are being traumatized with. It’s Psy-chology 101, Gangnam-style.

Being tasered is poetry in slow-motion

A guy volunteers to be tased – and he isn’t under duress, paid, on a dare, or even mentally ill. His underwear-soiling torment is ecstatically documented by the Slow Mo Guys (who MAY be mentally ill), who think everything looks better when recorded at three frames per week. We’re even treated to super slow-mo close ups of the taser prongs hitting, puncturing and burying themselves deep in the volunteer’s back’s skin – in the process, causing it to ripple quite photogenically and bringing to mind milk and liquid soap commercials (minus the blood and maniacal writhing).


A meteorologist wins the internet when he casually, smoothly and without hesitation pronounces the staggering 58-letter name of a Welsh town during a live report. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is so lengthy, on the green screen map, it slices all of Britain in half, skewers the Netherlands and stabs western Germany (not to mention that it looks like the result of someone having banged their head on a keyboard). I, for one, feel that such linguistic fleet-footedness (as regards place names) should not be encouraged, as it might lead to the proliferation of even more monstrous, deformed monikers with no sense of personal boundaries.

Baby’s delaying tactics tickles dad for some reason

I detest children (I even beat myself up as a kid), and find nothing remotely fascinating about a toddler who fake-cries, screams and then laughs each time her father draws near in an attempt to trim her nails with a pair of scissors. Even more distressing is how much of a kick her dad gets from his daughter’s attention-whoring, transparent deception and lack of regard for personal grooming. Most perturbing of all is how much this video’s virality is making me as angry as a toddler with freshly-trimmed nails.

Gorillas can be cam-whores too

A zoo visitor’s guerilla photo-taking fascinates a resident gorilla – and an inter-species, plexiglass-separated BFF story begins. The giant ape seems captivated by the images of himself in the smartphone – but I suspect he’s just trying to figure out why the hoomin went full retard and took pictures in vertical mode (like, seriously).

"Onde Quando e Como eu Quiser"

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